Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
