Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
