i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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