Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
