If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
