someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
