I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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