If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
