K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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