walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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