it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
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just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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