Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
