she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
