you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
