I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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