I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
