So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
