Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
