i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
