She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just cut my nipple shaving
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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