I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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