why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
