dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
