Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
