Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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