The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
