Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
