I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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