the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
