i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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