Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
