Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Houston, we have a blender
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
