Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
