Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
