Plan B is the new Plan A
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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