I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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