i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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