you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
