i barfeds in our rink
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
