hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
