i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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