It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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