He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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