I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
