you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
