girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
