Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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