he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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