i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
