sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How naked do you want me to be?
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