just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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