I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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