Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
