YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
