so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
