its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
