T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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