So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
