I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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