My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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