It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
two words...techno handjob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
