grandma shit on top of the toilet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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