she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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