Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
