meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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