Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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