U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That's intense
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
