woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
