Nicole vs. Life
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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