I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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