Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
