this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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