You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
