But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
