Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
