I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
