He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
