I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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