just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
